My trip to Germany

May 2, 2010
I have just realized that my first trip abroad is two weeks away. I guess I haven't had time to think about it because I have been finishing up a paper to finish my certificate, my daughter is graduating from college two days before I leave, and things in general have been in turmoil at work.

Now that the trip draws near I am compiling a list of things I won't do for 18 days while I'm away. For someone who has been doing a lot of these things for 20+ years, some of them are scary and some are joyous!

1. I won't see my family
   
2. I won't have to do housework
3. I won't have to cook or grocery shop
4. I won't have to look out or worry about anyone but me
5. I will be able to do what I want without worrying about others
6. I will see so many new and exciting things
7. I can just be me... not mother, wife, co-worker, pet owner, etc

Even though many of these thoughts are liberating I still have bouts of fear. How will I make it in a country where I don't speak the language very well. How will I get along with my host family? Will I get lost and not be able to find my way back? Will my plane crash? (I know most travelers don't even entertain this idea, but I'm trying to be honest here.)

I am looking forward to being somewhere different from my life for the last 24 years. For the most part I have been a wife and mother for 24 years, taking care of my family and life. I am looking forward to this freedom in a country where I don't know anyone and can't feel guilty about not doing what I'm "supposed" to be doing. All those supposed things will be 3000 miles away.

I'm supposed to be working on my paper right now, but I wanted to put down my feelings. I really am feeling bittersweet right now. I want my freedom but enjoy my life also. I hope this will be a time of self discovery, to re-connect with myself now that my child is grown and I'm not having to spend so much time on being a mom and wife. I hope to return a new refreshed person.

I think that I am a person who does not take life for granted. I try to live each day and enjoy it. I try to make a mental note each day that this may be my last day, so I try to always do the things that are right and noble in case I don't wake up the next day. I think that I will have no problem making the most out of this opportunity I've been given, and I hope that I will come back a new person -- even more excited about the possibilities out there.

Yet another milestone in Parenthood

My daughter called me today after being out of the country for two weeks and told me she missed me terribly.  This is the same child who not too long ago thought I was the spawn of Satan and that I was born to make her life miserable!  Maybe they do finally come around.  It's really nice when your children start to appreciate you.  I don't know how long this will last, so I am going to drink it in all that I can while she is in this mood!  Tomorrow she may be calling me names and hating me again!

She actually told me she wished that I was in Eastern Europe with her.  She says that when she sees anything or eats anything she is sad because she knows that I would really enjoy it and it makes her sad that I'm not there.  AWWW!!  I know that the separation has a big influence on her moods, but I paid for her trip, I might as well get something from it!  I'm going to enjoy every second of her melancholy mood with hopes that she will come home with a new mindset that will stick!   I know I am an eternal optimist.  I'm always looking at the silver lining, but IT COULD HAPPEN!

A New Chapter in Parenthood

Today I took my only child (she's 20) to the airport and put her on an international flight to Eastern Europe.  I was excited about her going, but today has been very unnerving.  I didn't think I would feel this way, but today has been surreal.  Trying to wrap my mind around her being on another continent.  Somewhere where I can't get to her if she needs me.  

I have been very unsettled today.  I said I would not track her flight online, but before the plane even left the ground I was tracking it.  Now I am going beserk because I lost them when they started across the Atlantic.  The flight tracker says that connection will be lost while crossing a large body of water, so I'm not worried, YET!  They have two more hours of the flight left, and Amsterdam isn't inland much, so I probably won't make contact with the flight until it lands.  

She will be gone for 5 weeks!  I miss her already.

I know she will have the experience of a lifetime on this trip, but the question is will I live through it?

Things that Make Me Mad

Stoplights

Waiting in line to spend money

Murphy's Law

The word "Like".  (You know like when like people use like the word like constantly?)

When people are two hours late.

Things I Think Are Funny

Sneezes

Toes

My cat snoring

Laughing hysterically and not being able to stop